God Healed Me of ADHD

Growing up, I had the chance to see miracles. I grew up in a Christian family that was aware of the Holy Spirit and believed that a New Testament Acts is still for today. Although it took me til my teens to fully accept Jesus Christ as my savior, there was a time when miracles were a part of life; whether they were healings, provisions or break-throughs. Going into my twenties I lost sight of that. What would seem like unforgettable moments were… forgotten. I started carrying a mindset that miraculous things only happen to the chosen few and I would never be that person (again).

Coming onto the World Race this second time, I still carried this mindset. I didn’t think I was worthy. That I wouldn’t be a “chosen” one, like it was a lottery. That hoping would only lead to disappointment so it was better to quietly accept my situation and hope that I would have the “honor” to see him work miracles in others lives. He definitely changed that…. Thank goodness he changed that. 

The journey of healing started with our first I-Squad debrief in Guatemala. I was having a one-on-one with one of our squad leaders, Ari, when the topic of my ADHD came up. At this point in my journey, ADHD was something that I fully accepted as being a part of my identity, not just something that I had. As Ari started asking me questions about it and the potential of healing, she got my gears turning. Healing? Was that something that I could still step into? Was it something that I truly wanted? Was it something that I still felt I needed? What would it look like? Would I still be me? What would it look like to open my heart to it and what if it never comes?

One of these questions was answered very quickly. The night before we were leaving for Costa Rica, I had a panic attack that lasted through the night. On the bus the next day on the way to the airport, I had another panic attack, this one was “not as bad” and I was able to hide it from most of the bus. Having those panic attacks made me more aware of how much I actually struggled with all the negative side effects of ADHD and I couldn’t ignore them or push them to the side again. I needed healing from this.

Throughout our time in Costa Rica, the thought of healing would be on my mind. I felt hope start to blossom in my heart and the courage to give this over to God and to trust him with it began to grow. Towards the end of our stay in Jaco, before heading to our second debrief, Ari asked if I wanted to pray for healing and I realized I was ready to fully lean into it. We invited my team leader, Tito, and together we worshipped and prayed against ADHD and for healing. In that moment I received partial healing! The Holy Spirit encouraged me to keep leaning into him and into full healing. 

The evidence of this healing really showed itself at our debrief. My team was finishing up sharing our life stories and as Tito was sharing his story, I realized halfway through that I had been able to focus the whole time! I got distracted when I started celebrating this evidence of healing in my head. Another clear moment was when our Squad Mentor was doing a full day of teaching on the Old Testament. A teaching? The WHOLE day? Like, 7 hours? My worst enemy… before healing. It still brings tears to my eyes when I think about that day. I. DIDN’T. LOSE. FOCUS. ONCE. I sat through that whole day engaged, focused, able to take notes and retain what was taught. This is something I have never been able to do my entire life, even for a short amount of time. I’m not being dramatic here with how hard it was before and now I literally can’t put words to how sweet and amazing and life-changing this is.

After the first time we had prayed for healing, Ari mentioned that there was going to be a lake where we were going and suggested that I pray about being rebaptized. I immediately felt a yes. So the day before we flew out for the Dominican Republic, I got re-baptized. So last week on the last day of debrief, Ari and I were having a one-on-one when she asked me if I still wanted to, so we gathered those who were around us and headed to the lake.  As I was standing in the water with Ari and my squadmate Aaron, Ari asked me to vocalize why I wanted to get baptized. I answered with: stepping into full healing, for wrapping up our time in Costa and all things God had done in me, and for starting a new chapter on our new teams. As I went under the water and came back up, I felt a weight off my shoulders and a deep peace. Ari and Aaron start laughing and crying and celebrating because as I came up, they saw ADHD lift off me in the spiritual. I immediately start crying as I felt the Holy Spirit confirm it. When Ari asked me to tell the squad (which had pretty much all arrived at this point) what had just happened, I could barely get the words out. It was so so sweet. 

My healing happened when I was fully ready to walk into it. It happened when some of the people I trust the most were witnesses and will stand with me against doubt. It happened when I was surrounded by my World Race family who knew my struggles and celebrated with me. You now have the opportunity to hear about it because I have this blog, which I would have never had or talked about. That’s how it worked for me.

I don’t have all the answers. I can’t tell you why some people get healed and some don’t. I can’t tell you exactly how these things work and the timing of them… but I can tell you one thing for certain, my God heals.